jiwa kacau

No. Not anything like Pulut Kacau. I am not referring to any sort of food. I don't even have the slightest craving for food at this moment.

I'm still not over it! What is it about him??? Its been 8 months since he called it off...but I am still not over him!

I went off mode for a while, ignoring his calls...ignoring his text messages. After some time when I thought I was ok and that I could already accept the fact that he's not mine anymore, we started communicating again. We started going out for movies, shopping and spending time with each other again (of course with his own 'agendas' on the sides). I would definitely not miss any chance to be with him. The 'happy me' was back :)

However, what was initially based on 'lets be good frens' started to crash me up again. I then realised that I'm still not able to accept the fact. The silly me gets so upset when he's busy with his phone while we're watching movies. The silly me tears like pouring rain when he talks of his plans. The silly me would feel as though there's a dagger stomping on my heart when I hear of names of ladies. The silly me gets crashed when he mentions about his fiance, wedding and sorts.

Move on silly woman! He's moving on...you need to move on too! How I wish my heart would listen to that instead of hoping for nothingness. He was with me a while ago. I was really feeling down. I feel like I'm losing him again. "Cheer up baby girl", he teased me. "My ex-wife just got married and I was ok...I did not cry". Bloody hell! Thats your ex-wife. I am not your ex-wife! And, you and me...we're different! You're a hearless asshole and I'm not! I just can't stop loving you!



How do I get rid of something I do not want to lose? Seriously, there is absobloodylutely nothing good about him...but why do I love him so bloody much?

Jiwaku sungguh kacau... :(