So long My LOVE!

It has been a while. The relationship has been on and off...on and off. I can fool myself & deny all I want...but the fact is, I'm so afraid to lose him.

He has been such a pain. He has been an asshole. Everyone tells me that. In fact, I myself know that for a fact. I realised. But I've failed to counter this feeling of love I have for this man. I've suffered a lot throughout this relationship. A whole suffering journey that has been going on for 31 months, that is 2 years and 7 months. Surprisingly, I still love him right till today. Call me crazy, yes you can. Love makes us do the stupidest thing.

If u ask me to reason out why I love this man so much when all he does is hurt me, I absofreakingly have no idea. All I know is that I love him very much.

This thing has to end. He just told me last nite via SMS that he'll be getting engaged this Sunday (21Nov), and will be getting married in February. No balls! No courage to say it out to me up front, that he had to send a text message. That hurt me even more!

I felt like the whole world collapsed last nite. And I've nowhere to go. I've lost everything. He's my everything! Even my son was upset when I told him about it this morning We both love this man VERY VERY MUCH! We dreamt our forever with this man of mine. My son has always wished that this man will be his dad one day. Fantasy...not reality. It time to wake up and move on. Help us ALLAH!

I've had enuf heartache, I do not know how else to describe how I feel now. I do not only love him, but his WHOLE FAMILY. I'm VERY close to his sister & mom. We communicate with each other very often. All these have to end too. I can't bear hurting myself more, only for the sake of silaturrahim. I might as well end everything.

I told him off yesterday in one of my replies to his text message...to stop contacting me completely. He was sort of begging me, saying that he does not want to lose this precious friendship he has had with me. Honestly, I do not want to lose it too. But help me ALLAH! I'm begging you to give me strength...how else am I suppose to control myself if communication with him does not end??? I love him too much to let him go, but I guess he does not love me that much. Too bad so sad. I'm just a loser.

In his last text message to me last nite, he begged that I forgive him, pray for his happiness and please attend his wedding function. Ya Allah, I want to fulfill his wish...please give me strength!

To you my love, I wish you everlasting happiness without me. I will always love you!

Eid is tomorrow. I've lost my mood for any celebration. My parents are performing their Hajj. I've lost a part of me - my love. There's nothing to look forward to. Anyway, salam Eid-ul-Adha everyone!