jiwa kacau

No. Not anything like Pulut Kacau. I am not referring to any sort of food. I don't even have the slightest craving for food at this moment.

I'm still not over it! What is it about him??? Its been 8 months since he called it off...but I am still not over him!

I went off mode for a while, ignoring his calls...ignoring his text messages. After some time when I thought I was ok and that I could already accept the fact that he's not mine anymore, we started communicating again. We started going out for movies, shopping and spending time with each other again (of course with his own 'agendas' on the sides). I would definitely not miss any chance to be with him. The 'happy me' was back :)

However, what was initially based on 'lets be good frens' started to crash me up again. I then realised that I'm still not able to accept the fact. The silly me gets so upset when he's busy with his phone while we're watching movies. The silly me tears like pouring rain when he talks of his plans. The silly me would feel as though there's a dagger stomping on my heart when I hear of names of ladies. The silly me gets crashed when he mentions about his fiance, wedding and sorts.

Move on silly woman! He's moving on...you need to move on too! How I wish my heart would listen to that instead of hoping for nothingness. He was with me a while ago. I was really feeling down. I feel like I'm losing him again. "Cheer up baby girl", he teased me. "My ex-wife just got married and I was ok...I did not cry". Bloody hell! Thats your ex-wife. I am not your ex-wife! And, you and me...we're different! You're a hearless asshole and I'm not! I just can't stop loving you!



How do I get rid of something I do not want to lose? Seriously, there is absobloodylutely nothing good about him...but why do I love him so bloody much?

Jiwaku sungguh kacau... :(

my prayers answered

Alhamdulillah.

Rezqi comes from the Divine. We, as His servant must ALWAYS have faith in him.

Hmmm...I've been moaning, sighing and wat nots...for being jobless and penniless. I've been selling this and that to make ends meet. But still the ends just didn't seem to meet. Frustration hits me all the time. Depression is what I've been living with for the past few months.

Nevertheless, as good friends usually tell me...never stop praying. Talk to HIM and HE will listen. And that was exactly what I did...with a little breakdowns and giving ups once in a while.

29th August, while sitting in front of this dumping box (my notebook that is)...trying to get myself started with script writing, I was questioned about how my sales and other sources of income are getting along in preparation for Syawal. I just told her - NIL. Yes, thats how pathetic it is - NIL! I asked her if she knows of any income generating opportunity. Alhamdulillah, I just happened to ask the right person.

So, ALHAMDULILLAH...I am now the Manager of the Observation Deck of Menara Kuala Lumpur. So ladies and gentlemen...do pay a visit to the Observation Deck. You'll be surprised to learn about the surrounding areas which you never knew.

untitled

Another news of pregnancy in the family. Jealousy strikes...BIG time! Depression mode ON!

My Rabb...help me please...I need peace of mind. I want happiness for once.

Sigh...

shame on me!

We're HISTORY. That's a fact. A fact which this thick skull finds so hard to accept. He's getting married for Goodness sake! Even if he's not...he's just not worth your love, you silly woman!

Yes. Hundreds of people have said that to me. But for God knows whatever reason, I just can't get him out of my system. I guess this line in Ghost of Girlfriends Past so suits me - You'll only be able to get over someone once you find someone else that you care about more. Yeah, maybe its true. Sigh.

We were supposed to meet for Iftar last night. I tried calling him over and over again, but my calls were not answered. None of my SMSes were replied. I just wanted to reconfirm our berbuka puasa bersama. In the end, I went without him. His reply came in much later, appologising - saying that his mobile phone was barred. Still, it did not answer my question...why were my calls not answered??? He replied saying that he's now in the emergency ward at PPUM (his family members all go for medical treatment there coz his dad is somebody prominent in UM). I panicked. What actually happened? Who was actually admitted? None of my questions were answered. All sorts of questions were playing in my mind. Could it be him? Or maybe his mom again? Or his dad? I tried calling him up. Many times...no answer.

Tried calling again this morning...for half a day. No answer. Wouldn't you be panic?

Anyway, I just logged-in to my Facebook account. To my surprise, I saw his status update - Updating status while driving fast from Ayer Keroh.

Dang! That sort of answered my question. That he went to send the AYAM back to her kampung. But why?

So I called him up. Pretended not to know anything. I asked him where he was...he said he's on the way back to KL (but did not tell me where he was from). I asked him who was admitted to the hospital. It took him quite a while to give me an answer. Finally he told me that it was the AYAM. Why was it necessary for him to be responsible for her...and sending her to PPUM instead of other hospitals? And then after that sending her back to Malacca. Why was that necessary??? Nothing like these ever happened when I was ill. Well, maybe I have my family with me...and the AYAM doesn't. But still....isn't he supposed to be mentally preparing himself for his so called marriage, and not bother so much about other ladies???

I know I shudn't be in any position to be upset or angry. I just don't deserve to feel all these after all that have happened between us. But shamefully, its happening. And I'm so angry with myself too, for feeling as such.

Shame on you! You're such a LOSER!

new collection of beautiful jubah

Something new for this festive season. Walk stunningly beautiful in those colourful jubah. It surely will make u feel good this Aidilfitri.

Be creative, be stylish. Mix and match, and look gorgeous.

Refer photos below as samples.

Ok...i've been trying for days to upload the pictures here, actually. Failed. I've decided to just copy the link from Facebook & paste it here. Haha! And so, u'll also get to see pictures of the new tudung collection too :)


http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/album.php?aid=103851&id=612259032


So, have a look. Get some ideas. And come shopping for these items (and more) from SRJ Collection! :)

Ramadhan Al Mubarak

2nd day in this holy month of Ramadhan.

I'd like to wish all Muslim sisters & brothers a blessed Ramadhan. May all our good deeds be accepted by Allah swt.

Ameen.

i've had enuf!

I am DONE with my stalking business. Its just not worth it! A liar remains a liar...no matter what!





In the Facebook news feed, I saw his status update. Nope. I wasn't stalking him. He just updated his status about 10 minutes ago & it appeared in the news feed. His status for today reads:

"LIFE IS A BITCH"

Waddahell???? Whats that supposed to mean?

If life IS a bitch, I would rather DIE!

let us all say our prayers for her

Remember this advertisement? Catchy ainnit? The person behind this beautiful and meaningful ad was none other than our beloved insightful late Yasmin Ahmad, who left us all on the 25th July 2009.


Her creativity in expressing love and exhibiting daily lives of Malaysians (controversial issues) which not many Malaysians(the Malays in particular) have the courage to do...has touched many hearts.

No more will there be catchy cute adverts like the one which featured Tan Hong Meng & Ummi Kasrina. No more interesting Petronas ads. No more movies like Sepet, Mukhsin, Muallaf, Talentime (gosh! I regret not watching the movie & I only have 1 person to blame for this!). No more!

All thats left are memories of a lovely talented lady. Memories left thru her production. I'll definitely miss watching those good ads and movies.

There will never be another Yasmin Ahmad. A wonderful local talented woman film director who was so full of love. She'll be greatly missed.


My dear Yasmin Ahmad, you've now left us to be with the Divine. May you rest in peace. Amin.

A moment of silence goes out to you, dear. Al-Fatihah.

DAN SEBENARNYA

picture taken outside of KLCC on a night of Ramadhan last year.


Oh Bulan..
Enggan melayan diriku lagi
Pabila airmata membasahi pipi
Dan lagu lagu di radio seolah olah memerli aku
Pabila kau bersama yang lain

Adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih bersemadi untukmu
Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan di sebalik senyumanmu itu
Kau juga menyintai aku

Ku enggan berpura-pura ku bahagia
Ku enggan melihat kau bersama si dia
Oh ku akui cemburu
Mula menular dalam diri
Pabila kau bersama yang lain

Adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih bersemadi untukmu
Dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyuman mu itu
Kau juga merindui aku

Pabila kau merenung matanya
Ku rebah jatuh ke bumi
Di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
Seperti ku bernafas dalam air

Adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih.. bersemadi untukmu
Dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyuman mu itu
Kau juga merindui aku

Oh...

Dan Sebenarnya ..
Dan Sebenarnya ..
Aku rindu ..

Dan Sebenarnya ..
Dan Sebenarnya ..
Aku tak mampu .. tanpamu..







credit : stalejive


yupp, this is exactly what I'm going thru right now - not being able to get over the X (eventho I know he's such a bastard!) - not yet.

sigh. I miss him!

Yunalis bt Mat Zarai, you ROCK! I love you...I love your music!

A FOOL FOOLED BY A CROOKED CROOK

Fool? Me??? Yes, maybe.

One whole year of lies. I was fooled with 15 months of CRAPPY lies. Something which I know for a fact, not many would be able to tolerate. Let alone endure the pain. But I did. All in the name of pure love. My pure love. Not his. I was a fool maybe. People out there may be laughing at me. Including the crooked crook.

I'm crumbling inside. Shattered dreams. Shattered hope. Wasted.

I've decided. I've given enough. I have loved enough. I'm not gaining anything. There's no more love to share. No more love to hold on to. I'm only left with memories. Memories which I will hold on to till the day I die.

There's a signal somewhere out there. A signal for a brighter tomorrow. A signal that there is still hope for love for this battered soul. But FEAR rules me now. And I still can't let go.

depression

have u ever came across this phase in life when everything just do not fall into place? like the whole world is against you...as though everything that you do just don't seem to work out right?

and you have people around you that bugs the hell out of u.

and you get depressed.

and for no apparent reason sometimes, you'll burst into tears.


owh well, its a test...I know. The Almighty will not test a person if He knows that the person is not able to handle it. These sort of tests are meant to make the person stronger.

But, I'm beginning to lose hope. I'm falling. I'm getting weaker.

I'm depressed!

heartache

Its you again!
Yes, its me!
Why are you here?
To be with you!
Why me?
Because u deserve me
Why do you say so?
Because LOVE is just not for you
Thats unfair! Go away! Stop haunting me! I want to be happy!
A'ah! No. Until LOVE comes back to you, hugs you tight & won't let you go...I'M YOURS!


(and heartache sings...with an evil grin)
Do you hear me? I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again


GO AWAY! I DON'T NEED YOU! STOP HAUNTING ME!!!

Love, please come back to me
Save me from this evil heartache...please! please! please!

mix & match

Tired at looking at the same old tudungs in your wardrobe?

Why not get yourself a lil bit creatuve.

Try mix & match the tudungs...and people might think that you've just bought some new pairs.

Here's one example :)

Voila! Its actually 2 different tudungs. But when you start to mix & match...you can get 4 different styles. How about that? Interesting, ainnit?

bitter heart

KANTOI!


I've had it with him! Lies...lies...never ending story!

My heart is so bitter now.





My heart is so fragile...thinking that he's in 'Singapore' (Bali) now, having a wonderful time. It hurts! But, I still can't get away from this question - why do I still love him?


Listening to Zee Avi (Kokokaina) helps take me away from my problems a bit though. Her music (all her songs) is SUPERB! Soothes my senses! Thanks Zee...I LOVE U!

Never ever lie!

Something on a different note this time. Taking time off from my tudung business...I just need to vent out a lil bit. A LOT, actually! I usually do that on Facebook. But Facebook does not seem to be a safe spot for venting out anymore. Eyes are watching, ears are listening..people are gossiping! Well, I'm not saying that this is a safe spot either...but I just need a space elsewhere to spill out all thats been bottled up for long.

I read this joke somewhere...and I'd like to share it with those of you who haven't read or heard about it yet. So, fasten your seatbelt...get ready to laugh :)

A man called home to his wife and said, 'Darling , I have been asked to go fishing up with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up' 'Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. '

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, she did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, 'Yes! Lots of salmons, some bluegills, and a few swordfishes. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?'

You'll love the answer, folks......

The wife replied, 'I did, dear. They're in your fishing box! ... (the 'smart' husband didn't even go fishing in the first place).

LOL! The moral of the story - NEVER EVER LIE TO A WOMAN! We are smarter than you, men!

Ok...this is relative to the story of my life now. I WAS in a 11-months relationship with a BASTARD. Its over...but I still can't get over it. Rene said this to Jerry Maguire : I'm not letting you get rid of me. Yes, I won't! Honestly, I still love him...A LOT! I know all of u are saying that I am STUPID. Yes, you can say that again. Of course I know I deserve someone much better. But until then, I don't think its gonna b easy to just forget about this ASSHOLE. An asshole...yes he is...but, why do I still love him?

Throughout that 11-months relationship, I've been so loving, caring, I loved him with all the love that I had in me. I was always there for him, thru thick & thin. Mind you, financially too! Stupid ainnit? I imagined us growing old together...happily together...with our own family. Hmmm...too much hope, I guess.

But he on the other hand, was not serious. He was actually, practically exercising his manwhore activities...sleeping around non-exclusively that is, if u donno what a manwhore does. I never had a clue about that 'profession' of his until much later. Somehow somewhere along the line, I could sense that he was not being honest about our relationship. I started feeling suspicious when a couple of times we were actually supposed to go out together...and all of a sudden he'll send me a text message to cancel it with reasons that he has some personal problems to deal with. I offered to listen to his problems, but he declined. He said that he will have to handle personal problems like these on his own. Sigh. But I somehow could sense that he was hiding something from me. Well, when u are in a relationship with a person...u can actually sense if the person is telling u the truth or not, what are his actions etc. At least that is the case for me.

Anyway, these hanky panky stuffs have been going on for a while. Me being suspicious...I'll ask him about it...and he somehow will twist and turn the stories around and get himself out of my trap. I will melt...and start trusting him again (tho not 100% anymore).

In January, he went to perform Umrah with his family. He was actually quite reluctant to go. That is wierd, isn't it? Other people would do anything to go to the Holy land. And yet, this asshole who is 100% being sponsored by his mom...does not want to go. Wouldn't that make you wonder why? His reason was that he was not ready. Not ready? Not ready for what? Why would someone contemplate on a golden opportunity which is definitely good for him? Oh well, he still went anyway.

He came back to KL after his 14-days Umrah. A slightly different person. Even worst than he was before Umrah. He started showing his true colours, with no shame anymore. It was like something he is really proud of doing. There were even a couple of times when I called him up early in the morning and he was actually IN BED with another woman (which of course I found out much later). He seems to be enjoying himself with all these heat of the moment activities.

He started giving me cold treatment. Less calls...less outings...not answering my calls at times (which of course will make me question why). I asked him time and time again why these are happening to our relationship. Why has he changed so much? He bluntly said to me that he is still the same person I knew from day one. You think I don't notice any changes? You think I like it that you're behaving that way?

Finally, he told me off. That he's getting married at the end of this year. To his mom's friend's daughter, who is (at that point of time) doing her professional course in Dublin. A future Doctor. Wow! Does she deserve this bastard? Such a pity it is to this innocent 27-year old tudung clad girl who has no idea whatsoever who she's gonna end up spending her life with.

Apparently, the bastard did all that...sleeping around non-exclusively (and telling me about it without any shame) just so that I would get rid of him. Because he is getting married to someone else, and he really didn't know how to break the news to me. Such a 'gentlemen' he is, ey? He didn't wanna be the one to leave me. He wanted me to leave him. He was wrong. I'm NOT that sort of person. It is not easy to let go of the love I have for a person,

I wonder...is the bastard telling me the truth? Is he really getting married to that 27-year old girl? Or he just made up the story, just to get rid of me and continue manwhoring freely. Because, I caught him!

Eventhough we are no longer courting, we did go out a couple of times for casual movie outings. The last one was to watch Ice Age 3, with my son. And I'd be lying if I say I do not have anymore feelings for him. I do...A LOT!

I could sense that he was a little different on that day. Quite reserved. Always meddling with his Blackberry etc. There was also a time when he received a call from this young girl whom I'd prefer to refer to her as AYAM. She IS indeed an AYAM...a 19-year old AYAM. When his phone rang, he quickly grabbed it and walked away...to speak to her privately. Why was that necessary? He surely had something to hide from me. Sure enuf. When I asked him who called...he told me it was that girl. Damn! What have they got planned? Yes, I kinda sensed it..that they have something on the agenda. But, he's not telling me of course. Nevermind, soon I'll find out myself.

Just before I left his car on that day, he told me that I could call or text him anytime. Ok...that sounds like a mild goodbye forever...like we're never gonna meet again. Whateverrrr...

The CIA in me found out that the AYAM will be going to Bali on Wednesday (2 days ago that was) till Sunday. Wow! A college student going to Bali for 5 days on her own? Are u sure??? Let me find out more details. So, on Monday, I text the manwhore asking him when we can watch Public Enemies together. His answer to me was...his wife-to-be will be back for good on Wednesday. Apparently, they're getting engaged on 15th August and the wedding will be in October. Owh, the poor girl is coming back already. Which means, I should forget about movies with him & leave them alone. See..I respect him!

Yesterday, I tried calling him. Just wanted to ask him about his wife-to-be. Plus, I wanted to ask $$$ from him. The amount of money he borrowed from me! The call didn't go thru. A few seconds later, he sent me a text message...asking me to text him instead, coz he's in Singapore and he'll be back on Sunday. Singapore? Are you sure its Singapore...and not Bali? So, I tried to be smart by asking him to bring home for me a Merlion fridge magnet & the LAH t-shirt from Singapore. See if he can get those things from Bali :p

Lesson to learn - Never ever lie. One lie will lead to another...and another...and another. And it'll make your life MISERABLE! I WILL MAKE U MISERABLE! He is really trying to get rid of me. He has tried so hard. But, was it necessary to lie???

He never replied to that text message. Wouldn't that make you suspicious?

The AYAM must be feeling like she's the luckiest girl. Just within 4 months of being in a hot intimate relationship with this manwhore...they've been to Formula 1 Grand Prix, Bangkok, Cherating, Bali and some other well-known hotels in KL. And me? Just to dine in Marche is not always a materialised plan.

I can live this bastard alone. I know I should. I know I shouldn't be torturing myself anymore. To hell with the love I have for him. What is love if it is not being appreciated? I don't need all these crap at this age! Iknow...I am freaking 35!

But, he bloody hell owes me MONEY! Not in the tens...not in the hundreds. And, I want my money back (and I'm humming to Lenka's song - THE SHOW. I want my money back, I want my money back...just enjoy the show. Hehe!) I want to make sure that I get my money back before I leave him, with either love or utter hatred. Is that gonna be possible? Because it seems like we're not meeting anymore. And I'm very sure screaming to him on the phone won't give much of an impact. But still, I want my money back!

What am I to do???

more of tudung 'Siti Nurhaliza' & jubah

Salam to everyone out there.

Since the demand for the 'Siti Nurhaliza' tudung is quite encouraging, I've just brought in some more new ones. I also have a few non-black jubah...so, check it out! Note : These are just a few. Please feel free to drop by....for more choices :)

tengah cari kain nak buat baju raya?

U better be quick! Tailors won't be accepting anymore tailoring soon.

If u still have not gone shopping for materials for this special Syawal occassion, fret not. Here at SRJ Collection, we also sell 4-metres materials - Cotton, Silk in nice bright designs.

Let me just show you a few of the materials in store.


... and many more.

u wanna look different?

Ok...u walk into the streets...u'll see ladies with all sorts of fashion & style. Even the ones wearing tudung are fashionable!

Fashion designers and retailers are actively featuring stylish Muslim-wear these days. SRJ Collection is also in this spirit of promoting their Muslim-wear with a difference. This time around, SRJ Collection is featuring their new tudung collection that many has labelled as 'Tudung Siti Nurhaliza'.

Haha...Siti Nurhaliza or not...you be the judge. But we're not having the right to name this collection as such :)

Please have a look at some of the samples of the said tudung.

Oh yes, Aidilfitri is coming up. I'm sure ladies are now busy shopping around for their Raya clothes. Tailors will not take in anymore tailoring soon. So, perhaps its about time you send your materials to the tailor. SRJ Collection also have some 4-metres material with beautiful prints in store. And not forgetting more colourful jubah too. So hurry for your festive shopping here!

more pictures of jubah

Here are some more black jubah which I have in store...in sizes 52 & 54.

Grab them...while stocks last!

more jubah collection in store

Happy Sunday, ladies (and gentlemen)...

I'm so excited. This seems to be the right choice I've made - doing business relating to ladies..selling particularly tudung & jubah.

Many have asked me if I can also sell jubah which are different from others. Different meaning, not black. Alhamdulillah...I've started bringing in coloured jubah. I'd like to try it out. If they're selling well, I'll bring in more in various sizes. One person showed interest yesterday. Unfortunately, that particular jubah was not her size. Too bad...yes, I promise you...next month!

Now, even the typical black jubah are more striking and stylish. Hmm...I might as well show you some pictures just for you to have an idea of what I have in store now.

Alhamdulillah, it looks like the demand for my jubah is increasing. I'll have more in store soon.

more tudungs & jubahs

Salaam to all,

Just to add colours to my post, I think I better give you the link to some samples of my tudung & jubah collection.

Tadaaaa.... its http://www.facebook.com/photos/?ref=sb#/album.php?aid=64430&id=612259032 and http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/album.php?aid=39260&id=612259032

hehe...yes, I'm an active Facebooker :p

Samples of tudung

Salaam to all,

Ooopsss! I missed out the attachment of photos in the previous post. So now, feast your eyes with the many colourful tudungs. I shall upload more pictures from time to time.

who says Muslim women can't be fashionable?

Assalamualaikum,

Yeah...who ever said Muslim women can't be fashionable?

For your information, I only started wearing tudung at the age of 29. Prior to that, I've always thought that I cannot dress up nicely and look young if I were to wear a tudung. That was because I've only seen ladies wearing scarves in only one style. I never knew that we can actually be creative in styling your tudung, unti I came across the Middle Eastern style of tudungs.

Tudungs do not necessarily have to be worn with baju kurung or jubah. You can even wear tudung with your jeans and blouse...or even t-shirt. Previously, tudungs were worn with pins and needlles. But life has been made simpler to ease the fast-paced lifestly. These days, there are tudungs which you need not use a single pin or needle. You just put it on...and you're all set for the day.

Here are a few samples which I have in my collection - for casual wear, which could also be worn for formal occassions with a little extra styling. Please note that the Middle Eastern fashion scene is also seasonal. Therefore, my stocks may not necessarily be the same all the time.