shame on me!

We're HISTORY. That's a fact. A fact which this thick skull finds so hard to accept. He's getting married for Goodness sake! Even if he's not...he's just not worth your love, you silly woman!

Yes. Hundreds of people have said that to me. But for God knows whatever reason, I just can't get him out of my system. I guess this line in Ghost of Girlfriends Past so suits me - You'll only be able to get over someone once you find someone else that you care about more. Yeah, maybe its true. Sigh.

We were supposed to meet for Iftar last night. I tried calling him over and over again, but my calls were not answered. None of my SMSes were replied. I just wanted to reconfirm our berbuka puasa bersama. In the end, I went without him. His reply came in much later, appologising - saying that his mobile phone was barred. Still, it did not answer my question...why were my calls not answered??? He replied saying that he's now in the emergency ward at PPUM (his family members all go for medical treatment there coz his dad is somebody prominent in UM). I panicked. What actually happened? Who was actually admitted? None of my questions were answered. All sorts of questions were playing in my mind. Could it be him? Or maybe his mom again? Or his dad? I tried calling him up. Many times...no answer.

Tried calling again this morning...for half a day. No answer. Wouldn't you be panic?

Anyway, I just logged-in to my Facebook account. To my surprise, I saw his status update - Updating status while driving fast from Ayer Keroh.

Dang! That sort of answered my question. That he went to send the AYAM back to her kampung. But why?

So I called him up. Pretended not to know anything. I asked him where he was...he said he's on the way back to KL (but did not tell me where he was from). I asked him who was admitted to the hospital. It took him quite a while to give me an answer. Finally he told me that it was the AYAM. Why was it necessary for him to be responsible for her...and sending her to PPUM instead of other hospitals? And then after that sending her back to Malacca. Why was that necessary??? Nothing like these ever happened when I was ill. Well, maybe I have my family with me...and the AYAM doesn't. But still....isn't he supposed to be mentally preparing himself for his so called marriage, and not bother so much about other ladies???

I know I shudn't be in any position to be upset or angry. I just don't deserve to feel all these after all that have happened between us. But shamefully, its happening. And I'm so angry with myself too, for feeling as such.

Shame on you! You're such a LOSER!